She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
