he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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