I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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