I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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