Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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