i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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