i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
