he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
