the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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