i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think your dad took our porno
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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