And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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