You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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