This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize