On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
