we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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