You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
