Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
