Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
