Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
