she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
