Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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