I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
