rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
