You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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