But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
