I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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