Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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