A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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