i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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