whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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