false alarm. still invincible.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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