When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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