Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
