i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
