:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
