her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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