I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize