went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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