Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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