Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
