do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
