May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
