You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize