I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
