Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
