I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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