so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Girls should come with a carfax report
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize