Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
