fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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