fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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