I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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