I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
