is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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