I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
