I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
