yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
