Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
