Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize