Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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