i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
