UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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