Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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