So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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