Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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