He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize